Broken Relationships

Speaking on my own personal experience and those that I’ve witnessed within other relationships. Is this what we have succumbed to?? Must the average relationship be a statistic? I know people who’ve been cheated on and have been able to repair their relationship with the offender. I salute you! But, I also know people, such as myself, who have not even the desire to repair after the betrayal. Speaking as a woman to the rest of them, are we really accepting that “a man will be a man”, applying that meaning to “all men cheat” and accepting it as our reality for what we will have to endure?? I don’t know about you, but when I think on what being a man is (or at least a good one), it’s someone who’s honorable, having self-control, is a man of his word, and is aware of himself, both what he’s strong in, and in the areas that he’s weak in, where he’s likely to stumble, so he can do his best to avoid them. We shouldn’t be accepting of a man who is selfish; has no self-control, who feeds into the lust of his flesh, even at the expense of his own relationship. Not all men cheat, that which is a premeditated doing, not “a mistake”. There are men who are slammed with temptation, but will think with his head and not his appendage, and choose to go the other way, instead. So, don’t settle my beloved sister. Do not accept that part of “a man being a man” is someone who you will have to accept cheating on you in your relationship. That’s not love. From what I’ve seen, a man who’s most capable of exercising this form of self-control, is the man surrendered to God, taking heed to the Holy Spirit, aiming to protect your heart, your union and everything that you’ve built together. So, wait, just wait. It’s better to be alone forever, than to settle for what it seems the world is settling for.

A Testament of My Words

At the end of the day, despite my stumblings and my shortcomings, God still loves me! And I am forever grateful!  #JesusPaidItAll 

The words above are my thoughts and words applied to my profile picture (the one above) that I shared last night on Facebook. The Holy Spirit has placed it upon my heart to address it and clarify. So, that I am going to do. Also, considering another woman took my words and also applied it to her profile picture as though it were her own (plagiarism). My quote may sound like some cliche thing to say, right? It feels good to say that no matter what, God still loves me. However, I don’t want any confusion as to what my thoughts and words actually mean, and what it means in reference to God and His Holy book; the Bible.

My everyday striving, as all of ours should be, is to walk blameless in the eyes of the Lord; living a righteous life, walking in obedience. That’s what signifies us as God’s children, assuming that we have given our lives to Jesus Christ and have made that inward and outward declaration, in both truth of the heart and outward actions. To stumble is the indication that yes, I am living for God, walking in obedience, not taking it lightly, nor for granted, what Jesus Christ did up on that cross for me, but I do make mistakes sometimes even with my greatest efforts of doing what’s right. However, I’m not professing with my lips and my social media profiles that I love God, but living a life being a practitioner of sin; someone who knows they’re sinning, but chooses to continue in that sin anyways. That would make me a hypocrite and the truth would not be in me. My shortcomings is what being a human born into sin has placed upon me, but is never, and never will be, an excuse for sin and to keep on doing those things that I know God is against. To say God loves me is because that He truly does, as I am His child. I have committed my life to Him, yet still working out the kinks, and on perfecting this Holy life that I am called to live, with the strength of Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, and with the help of the Holy Spirit to convict me when I make a bad decision. This is my personal testament of what those words I shared mean to me, and what I want you to understand.

Never should sin be taken lightly, and never should we use comforting self-talk to desensitize us to the truth of the Bible and what it means to be a Christian; following the ways of Jesus Christ. Because while God loves us, He divides the spoil from the strong, separating His children from those of the world; those who He calls the children of the devil.

 “Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God! Therefore the world does not know us, because it did not know Him. Beloved, now we are children of God; and it has not yet been revealed what we shall be, but we know that when He is revealed, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is. And everyone who has this hope in Him purifies himself, just as He is pure.

Whoever commits sin also commits lawlessness, and sin is lawlessness. And you know that He was manifested to take away our sins, and in Him there is no sin. Whoever abides in Him does not sin. Whoever sins has neither seen Him nor known Him.

Little children, let no one deceive you. He who practices righteousness is righteous, just as He is righteous. He who sins is of the devil, for the devil has sinned from the beginning. For this purpose the Son of God was manifested, that He might destroy the works of the devil. Whoever has been born of God does not sin, for His seed remains in him; and he cannot sin, because he has been born of God.

In this the children of God and the children of the devil are manifest: Whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is he who does not love his brother. For this is the message that you heard from the beginning, that we should love one another, not as Cain who was of the wicked one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his works were evil and his brother’s righteous.” 1 John 3:1-12 

So, I share all of this to say: examine and test yourself. See that the truth resides within you. And if not, call on Jesus Christ to deliver you. He came to save you! Repent for your sins, forgive those who have sinned against you, accept Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, and walk in obedience to God’s perfect Word; the Bible. Do not take words of another and make it your own, not knowing the truth, intentions, and depth of the heart behind them. Because beautifully written, feel good words, do not justify who you are –who you are IN Christ does. Shalom!

Worth the Wait

Today, a man noticed and complimented my purity ring. I briefly told him my story. I told him I’ve been there and done that. I’m not missing a thing. I promised God I will now save myself until marriage. And now, I’ve been waiting on the Lord 4 years strong. People ask when I plan to have kids, considering I’ll be 31 in June. I simply tell them, “When I get married.” I understand you can’t control everything and things happen. But, for me and my life, I refuse to be a statistic. I have no desire to be just a “baby’s momma”. I will be a wife first. I will do it God’s way or not at all. I will give myself to none other than a godly man and live with one mission – to honor God with our entire lives. After all, I am solely responsible for the man that I choose. We all are. Truth is, we choose a spouse based on what we feel about ourselves. A spouse does nothing more than mirror us. Understanding this, I won’t settle. Some people don’t believe I’ll find what I’ve just described. But, I will. God will give me my heart’s desire as long as I continue to live for and delight myself in Him (Psalm 37:4). My eyes are fixed on the Lord. My faith is strong. My heart’s full. And, my heart’s wide open too.💜 #Godfidence #CrazyFaith #NotWorriedAboutTheNaysayers #ExercisingPurity #GodlyMen #GodlyWomen #GodlyUnions #GodlyMenDOexist #EquallyYokedRelationships

30 Years Old. Single. No Kids.

I used to stress these things. Seeing everyone else with families had me wondering, “Where’s mine?”. I used to joke with my friends that by the time I had kids, their kids could watch mine. And now, that’s about to be real life! Lol It started to bother me as I got older. BUT, the way my God is set up! I’ve learned that being single with no kids doesn’t determine my worth, whether good or bad. God determines my worth. Not a man. Not a ring. Not kids. God does! I know who I am in Christ and I know my purpose is about so much more than having the things mentioned above. God has made me so content in Him, that honestly, I’m okay if it never happens. However, I get the feeling that now that I have this new mind frame, the Lord is about to blow my mind, and when I least expect it. ☺️ I’m optimistic. But, right now, I know I have purpose as a 30 year old single woman with no kids. So, I focus on that. And when God sees fit to change it, He will. Until then, I’m content as is, in this current season.

If you can relate, find that contentment, too. Know that you are worth so much more than having a husband and a ring. Your purpose is not solely built on that. God has purpose for your current season, right here, right now in your singleness. Embrace it! Focus on God. He has so much in store for you, and so much He wants to tell you! 💕 #ContentInChrist #EnjoyThisSeason #TrustHim

Everyone has a story. Here’s mine…

For some odd reason, I don’t remember much of my childhood. The things I remember most and most vividly are the sad times that hurt me. I’ve read that supposedly because of the pain, it’s the bad times and not the good times that you remember most fondly. Seems to be right (I’ve pretty much been robbed of my childhood). I was a quiet child growing up. Around about the age of 7 I was told that a man I did not know, was my father. Sad and confused, I told my mom, “I don’t want him to be my daddy.” The only man I knew as daddy was William DeMarr. And a great father was and is he still. But I had no other choice but to see this man I knew nothing of, my biological father, Lawrence. Both me and my baby sister April were court ordered to see him.

Visiting and seeing a family I was not familiar with was hard. Honestly and unfortunately, I just never took to them as my own. And it was like that the entire time. My biological father manipulated situations to try and hurt my mother, using my baby sister and I as the bait in order to do so. There wasn’t a genuine attempt at a relationship there, it was forced and for selfish gain. Just as was some of the things my biological father chose to do to me. I used to say that’s another story too deep for words, but it’s still a part of my testimony, so, I share. My biological father molested me during my elementary school years. Thankfully, it wasn’t to the extent like some of these horrible stories that you hear about, but it happened, nonetheless. And when it did, I kept silent. Fear had me. As a young child, I was afraid to speak out. I felt defenseless, because how does a young innocent child speak on this, especially when I had people on his side of the family who would manipulate the situation and bring more pain to my mother? So, I stayed quiet. I just waited until I felt that I was old enough to walk away. Around the age of 14, I decided enough was enough. I decided I was no longer going to see him. When I got older, I started voicing what I went through. Though some don’t understand, I forgave him nonetheless. I haven’t spoken to him since I refused to visit him at 14 years old, but I forgave him in my heart. Not for his sake, but for myself so I can be at peace within myself, and at peace with the Lord.

However, still until this day, I regret leaving my baby sister April, leaving her to visit our biological father alone, in fear that he would do the same to her. If only I had known better, I would’ve kept her from going too.

As I grew into a teenager, and one who got picked on, I decided enough was enough with that as well. I was tired, so I started flipping out on people. Not on just anyone, just those who tried to bully me, or others if I witnessed it. The once quiet and introverted child turned into a teen who became more vocal and outgoing. I started drinking, got involved with my “first love”, lost my virginity at the age of 17, and started smoking weed and just being, unfortunately, a typical rebellious teen. I had no direction, just wanted to party.

The party life eventually got old. Though I still partook in drinking and smoking weed, the desire started tapering off. After 6 1/2 years in, my relationship with my first love came to an end as well, right after I went through a difficult abortion. The emotions from that and my toxic relationship took too much of a toll on me. After that, it seems a year at a time I ended up with someone new, giving myself to 3 other men before the reckless way of living was all said and done. One situation would be for about a year. Not that they lasted that long, but my troubled emotions over it did. Then, after a year, the next would come along. For 6 years, I had a man a year, with a year break in between each one.

During that process of failing to know my worth with each of those guys, I loved to show off my physical “attributes”, as I felt “looking good” was all that mattered. Back then, I didn’t even know there was so much more within myself, and that in which needed cultivating. I didn’t value or respect myself. I didn’t know what self-love was. Hence why I settled for less and allowed myself to go through so much. All of which could have been prevented if only I knew my worth. In the midst of it all, I felt the Lord begin to tug on my heart. Continuously, He tugged on me, but I wasn’t quite aware of what this whole tugging thing was or where it was coming from. I felt a huge void, but at the time, I didn’t quite understand that it was Jesus that I was missing. Much less, that I even needed Him. People would come in and through my life, planting those seeds, sharing God’s amazing love. However, I did not yet believe. It was just a story to me. It felt good to hear, but I had yet to allow it to sink into my heart and take root. So, during that time, I still hadn’t surrendered to God. I was one of those people who would say, “God knows my heart.” And truth be told, He did. He knew it was sinful and messy as ever. But I guess that was my way of comforting myself. Self-medicating with self-deception. Its effects were very short-lived.

With the 4th guy, I felt the Lord tugging on me the most (Not that this situation was any worse than the rest, the Lord was just relentless with the pursuit of my heart. He knew I heard Him knocking). I knew that what we were doing, the drinking and fornication, was wrong and I felt the conviction. I felt guilt and shame. Deep down, I also knew that if I had stopped having sex with him, he’d get it from someone else. And, he did, before we even stopped. I found out he was creeping with his coworker behind my back, and it hurt me to the core. Though I didn’t realize it at the time, it was truly a blessing in disguise, because the good Lord knew I needed for something so hurtful and dramatic to happen to make me walk away. And praisefully, I did.

After that, I was so fed up with my way of life. I got tired of trying to do things my way, which only left me broken and hurting in the end. I was so depleted and done with living for myself and this world, in which promised me nothing but emptiness. So, I vowed to God I would never fornicate again. I was so tired of soul-tying, feeling unworthy, and depleted. I was tired of feeling what seemed to be my life being sucked right out of me. I was exhausted in every aspect; mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. So, I promised God I’d save myself for marriage, and commit my life to Him. And again, temptation came, and came hard with yet another man, but this time it did not win. I stood my ground, and still until this day, almost 5 years later (May 2018), I stand strong. I’ve completely given my life to Jesus Christ and accepted Him as my Lord and Savior. There’s been a complete shift and He has changed me from the inside out. Instead of being on fire for the world and all of these vain pursuits, I’m now on fire for God (YHWH). It’s not easy. Trials and tribulations still come (as they always will), but because of my stance in Jesus Christ, and because I know who I am in and through Him, they don’t have the opportunity of taking me out, or back to the old Crystal that God and I fought so hard to get away from.

You see, when you give your all to Jesus Christ, truly give your all, you desire it, as you find so much joy, comfort, peace and contentment like nothing else. Love insurmountable, unwavering, and unconditional. He stands in the gap, even when you stumble. Imagine that! He is our vindicator, our rock, our redeemer, our Savior. And He’s willing to be all of that no matter what you’ve done in the past. He can redeem you. He longs to! Just as He saved me, He can save you too, no matter what walk of life you come from. All the Lord is asking for is repentance, complete submission, and obedience – a renewed mind in Christ Jesus.

So, today, decide that you’re no longer going to let the devil get a foothold in your life, that you’re no longer going to hold yourself captive and in bondage. Leave behind the world and its emptiness and unfulfillable voids. It’s not worth your salvation most importantly, but also your joy and your peace. No person, place, or thing could ever give you what Jesus Christ can. He fulfills in every single aspect. So, open up your heart to Him. Let Him in. Accept Him into your life as Lord and Savior, today. Jesus saves! ❤️

Seclusion and the Inward Dwelling

Often, we neglect the beauty of being alone as if it were a curse. We run from the thought of it, consuming ourselves with people, places, and things just to avoid the fear of being lonely. But, being lonely and alone are two completely different things. The first, is a sad soul needing fulfillment, but looking in all the wrong places. The latter, one who may be alone in the physical sense, but not from within. Personally, I’ve come to truly enjoy being alone and have come to embrace it, holding it sacred, and looking forward to it daily. It’s become a little ritual, where I find so much comfort and peace in this special place, where the Holy Spirit mentors to my spirit, and I covet it. Oh the importance and beauty of getting lost deep within, with Him. I love it.💗

–Don’t be afraid to visit this place. And go often.

I.Am.Content

Sometimes, you just need to bask in His ambience. Something I truly appreciate, as I attempt to block out any foreign substances – the sounds of the cars on the road just beyond the trees, the UPS man dropping off a package next door, and the house heating unit behind me, as I cling to that of which He’s finely created with His own hands – the chirps of the birds in the trees, the cool breeze blowing through the tresses of my hair, and the beautiful warm sun shining upon my milky white skin… I.Am.Content.💕✨ #ThankYouLord

Your Life Is What You Allow God To Do With It

Ever felt like you were robbed of your childhood, because your memory failed to retain much of anything good? I do. Talks with one of my sisters has reminded me on several occasions of random good times we had with our dad when we were younger. She’ll say, “You remember when.. ?” And I’ll go to my memory bank, yet won’t remember much of anything. If at all, it’s very faint. You may think, “Why don’t you remember?” I’ve questioned that myself, but from what I’ve gathered, through research, our minds tend to remember most of the negative things, simply because of the pain it brought us. Therefore, robbing us of memories of the good times, things we were fond of. Ah, seems pain is so much more profound and impactful. I can definitely say I agree. The “ouch” situations appear to triumph the good, not because the good wasn’t as great, but because the bad was just that – bad, and it hurt just the same.

For me, the bad I speak of was the drama and sadness I went through with my biological father. I’ve briefly touched on this before in a previous post, but this is more in depth. At a young age, in my elementary school years, I was told that who I thought was my biological dad, wasn’t, and that some man in whom I did not know, was. My baby sister and I were then court ordered to see him every other weekend during the school year, and every other week during the summer. It was tough! We were having to take in a whole new family we did not know. And some didn’t make it easy. We met an uncle who would try to force us into calling our biological dad, “dad”, using fear. Then, we had our biological dad using manipulation to try and get under the skin of our mother. Anything to stir up drama. Even had to endure a moment of molestation. Not one to the extreme like a lot of unfortunate situations you hear about, but it happened nonetheless (and this is my first time speaking about it publicly). You may think, “Gosh, you say it like it’s nothing.” Well, because now, it is. I’ve moved on.

We endured a lot of sadness and instability as children, my baby sister and I, due to this very difficult situation. Like really, how do you try to force us to call someone dad when we’ve grown up knowing someone else who rightfully earned and held that title?! And then to learn that he did all of what he did throughout the years just to “get back” at my mother.. Wow! Explains why my memories of my childhood were of barely anything good, and instead, all the bad. It’s all a testimony nonetheless.

While I may not retain all the beautiful and sweet moments as a child within my mind, I’ve grown so much from it all. Through the pain, God birthed in me something good. At an early age, I learned to endure. It was such an intense lesson at an early age, but it trickled its way on down throughout my life, helping me in the long-run. And I’m thankful. Some people go through so much in life from having to endure such traumatic things as a child. Many times, it ends up affecting their adulthood. I’m just thankful that my situation wasn’t as bad as it could have been, because Lord knows it could have been much worse.

Just to think, God’s hands have been on me for so much longer than I had realized. From inside of my momma’s womb, to here right now as a 30 year young woman. I could have allowed what I went through to define me, and I could have lived bitter and hateful. But all glory to God, ALL glory to God, I overcame it. He helped see me through. He helped me let go of the pain and negative feelings towards my biological father. He helped me forgive, though forgiveness was never even sought after. There I was a diamond under pressure, formulating into the woman God has created me to be. And still til this day, I’m being finely cut and shaped.

This just goes to show, God CAN take you from the ugly of life and make it so beautiful. You do NOT have to be a product of your environment. You do not have to cling to your past and let it determine your future. You do not have to carry it forward. You can change your life through Jesus Christ. You can renew your mind and perception of what you went through, and allow it to strength you.

Know that despite what you have gone through as a child, you still have right here and now. You have your present and your future, and brand new memories to create. You have the ability to choose better and to allow God to give you just that. You have the option of removing the dead weight and choosing to enjoy your life instead. You have the option of letting go, giving it to God, trusting Him, right here, right now, today, and every single day for the rest of your life. Choose it.✨

Sacrificing for Christ

Have You Sacrificed for Christ?

If we feel no sense of sacrifice, it’s because we haven’t. We haven’t given anything up for Jesus. To give means to give away; no longer in our possession, rather in the possession of someone else. To give your life to Christ means to no longer live for self, but rather to live according to the ways of Jesus. To do this requires sacrifice and it cannot be done without. So.. what are you sacrificing? What is it that you hold dear to you, but yet willing to give up all in the name of Jesus? In Genesis chapter 22, God told Abraham to sacrifice his son Isaac. Abraham was willing to do it, but right when he went to commit the act, God stopped him. God only told him to do it, because He wanted to see if he truly feared Him. Such respect and obedience! His faith was tested and he passed. How’s your faith set up? Have you given up your old ways of being? What are you sacrificing all for the love of Jesus Christ? What is God telling you to give up all for a relationship with Him? #FoodForThought #Sacrifice #Obey #JesusLongsForYourHeart #TrustHim

Prayer and Fasting

In today’s world, they’ll have you believing that you can be as far from God as possible, but yet believing that He’ll answer your prayers simply because you pray it. That is far from the truth.

Did you know God only listens to the prayers of the righteous and turns a deaf ear to the wicked? 

“Keep your tongue from evil

And your lips from speaking deceit.

Depart from evil and do good;

Seek peace and pursue it.

The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous

And His ears are open to their cry.

The face of the Lord is against evildoers,

To cut off the memory of them from the earth.

The righteous cry, and the Lord hears

And delivers them out of all their troubles

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted

And saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:13-18

Do you know who the wicked are? Those who are practitioners of sin. 

“the one who practices sin is of the devil; for the devil has sinned from the beginning. The Son of God appeared for this purpose, to destroy the works of the devil.” 1 John 3:8
“For if we go on sinning willfully after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, but a terrifying expectation of judgment and the fury of a fire which will consume the adversaries.” Hebrews 10:26-27

If you’re truly tired or living in sin, God sees your heart and will guide you once you’ve repented for your sins and have accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior.

“Therefore repent and return, so that your sins may be wiped away, in order that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord; and that He may send Jesus, the Christ appointed for you” Acts 3:19-20

Now, does that mean you’ll never make a mistake and won’t stumble for the rest of your life? No. But when we are truly reborn in Christ, there’s no longer a desire to sin, but rather a desire to walk upright. We no longer make excuses for ourselves. We understand the awaiting of hell if we don’t repent and turn from our ways. And if we are having a hard time turning from sin, we consume ourselves with the Word, we get around those of the church, linking with an accountability partner, and we pray and fast together.

“For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.” Matthew 18:20 

Be encouraged.❤️

Journey

This life is truly just that – a journey. You learn so much. You learn who you are currently and whether or not you want to remain that person. You learn that even with the best of self, there’s still room for growth. You learn that admitting and writing your wrongs will always be the best of move. You learn that maybe the plan you had for your life is not what God has for you. You learn to either walk in that knowing, obeying, or take the harder route. You learn that in pain and suffering, there is a lesson that stimulates your growth. You learn who in your life is truly for you, and who’s not. You learn that it’s okay if you and another are on a different route, because just like you, they have a journey too. You learn the art and beauty of letting go, because you know something beautiful comes afterwards. You learn that God will bless you with the right people, those meant to be in your life forever, taking this journey with you. You learn that you don’t always have to have the answers, and that sometimes not knowing provides for an adventure. You learn to not always trust your feelings, because they can change rather quickly. You learn to relax and trust God even when you don’t understand. You learn that when you allow God to be God in your life, everything will always be allllriiight. Because God says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life.” Psalm 32:8

Trust Him.🙂